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Catharine

Modern Manners with Mama Chambers: Being a House Guest

Updated: Dec 14, 2020

With the holidays just around the corner and the thought of staying in a hotel not as appealing as before COVID, a great alternative is to stay with friends or family! If you are staying overnight, there is a whole world of dos and don'ts to navigate.



Staying with friends and family is definitely on the rise as the holidays are approaching. I think it is important, especially after the year we have had, to remind you of some simple guidelines when visiting friends and family during the holidays that will ensure you an invitation to come and stay again! Many of these are common courtesies, but we can all use a reminder now and then. Here's how to be the kind of houseguest who will always get repeat invitations:


1. First, 2020 has been tough on everyone. Remember everyone’s emotions are a little more heightened this year. Being on your absolute best behavior will serve you well!


2. Always arrive at your friend or family's home with a small gift, or treat your host to a night out. Examples are a nice candle, arranged flowers or plant, letting them know you would like to take them out to dinner (ask what night would be best for them). It will start your stay on the right foot.


3. Definitely try to make your visit short and sweet. Generally, keep your visit to no more than three or four nights. My Grandmother used to say, “house guests are like fish after three days they start to smell”.

4. Another thing that is extremely helpful is to be very clear about when you are arriving and when you will be leaving. This will allow your host time to prepare for your visit and helps her to know when the hosting duties are over. Being respectful of their time is going to go a long way with your host.


5. When staying for longer than a night or two make sure to make a grocery run. Take notes of things that are being used quickly. Replace the items being used quickly and introduce your host to a few of your favorites items too. If they like to drink, pick up a nice bottle of wine or their favorite alcohol as a wonderful gesture.


6. Offer to help out often, especially in the kitchen. If your host declines your help you can try to keep her company while she works unless you feel you are in the way. If you are feeling in the way you can ask if the dog needs a walk? Can you make a beer run? Whatever the case, let your host know that you’re happy to help out where you can. They might say no the first or second time out of politeness, but eventually, they’ll want to pawn off some of their chores on you. And you should be happy about it because you could be spending an arm and a leg on a hotel.


7. Always clean up after yourself and keep your bedroom tidy. Treat your host's home like a five-star hotel.


8. Ask if there are any house rules. When guests come to my home I have three rules: Don’t get locked up, Don’t get locked out, and keep food away from the dog (especially chocolate). Yes, it has happened. Otherwise, my guests are free to come and go as they please and make themselves at home. However, not every host is as lax as I am. Some don’t want you making a frozen pizza at 3 a.m. on a Sunday night when you’ve just come home from the bar. To avoid offending your hosts, ask about general rules. Should the door be locked when you leave? Is it OK to put silverware in the dishwasher? Would you like me to let the dog out if you’re not home? Most people have certain ways they like and do things, so it’s best to ask before you step on any toes.


9. It is also really important to let your host know you are enjoying yourself. Show gratitude and appreciation. Kindness is key!

10. It is best to send a handwritten thank-you note following your visit but since we are making these manners more of a modern version a text when you get home thanking your host would be fine as well. Make sure to express your appreciation however you see best!


Above all else, enjoy yourself and cherish the time you have with friends and family. The holidays are a magical time of year. It's important to remember that the magic does not derive from the gifts, but from the people we hold close to our hearts. Time with those we love is the most special gift of all. May we never forget that!

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